Sadness and Excitment

So I've been a slacker lately.  I haven't updated since June.  Yikes.  There have been so many things going on here and I just have not had the energy to update.  So here we go:

The First Annual Ray's Run was held in Maple Grove on June 18th, 2011.  It was a very bitter sweet weekend for us.  We got an opportunity to remember our little boy, celebrate his life, and the lives of many other SIDS babies.  Along the course were over 200 pictures of Ray, some of his new friends in Heaven, and other family members and friends still here.  We told people to send in pictures of who they were running/walking for, alive or not.  After the run they were able to take the pictures home with them.  We had them blown up and printed on durable matt like paper.  It was awesome to see all the pictures of Ray mixed in with pictures of our friends and participants.  Right as the runners took off and the walkers lined up a HUGE "Ray of Sunshine" shone down on us.  I thinki it was Ray's way of saying he was proud of his family.  We raised $10,500 this year which we donated to the CJ Foundation for SIDS and the Minnesota SIDS Foundation in Ray's name.  After the run we had an after party sponsored by Finnigan's Beer Comapy at one of the local resturants.  The resturant came up with a special menu with items named after the babies we had pictures of at Ray's Run that had passed away.  It was awesome and exhausting all at the same time.  Ray's Run 2012 is set for May 19th, 2012 in Maple Grove.

The week after Ray's Run, on June 24th, we found out we are expecting again.  This is part of the reason I haven't had the energy to update :).  Baby Labat #2 is due on March 3, 2012.  I never imangined how hard and emotional it would be to be pregnant again.  It  is something that we wanted so badly, but each first with this baby has me in tears.  I remember how excited we were with each of those firsts with Ray.  Adam has been amazing, as always, and dealing with the emotional ups and downs I have.  Turns out with Baby #2 in 9 months you start showing much sooner.  Now that I can tell I am pregnant and I'm starting to be less sick I am starting to get more excited.  It's been a tough start though. I was much sicker this time around.  I ended up with IV Fluids around 9 weeks which made a huge difference.  We are one week away from starting our 2nd trimester and I'm starting to feel much better.  Around my birthday in October we will find out what this baby is.  I don't care what we have, and neither does Adam, as long as it out lives us this time.  Last week Adam swore it was a girl, this week he swears it is a boy.  He makes me laugh.  I have no thoughts either way at this point.  I tried to guess with Ray.  I tried to talk Adam in to letting me buy a pink sweater.  He told me we didn't know what we were having.  I told him I did know, I'm the mom, it's a girl.  The week after we found out it was a boy.  Oops.  My motherly instinct needed some fine tuning I guess.  Around 8 weeks pregnant this time my cousin, Amy, told us she was also expecting.  She is due 2 weeks before us.  Again, bitter sweet.  Abbie and I were pregnant together with Ray and Sam.  I'm glad this baby will have another one the same age that we will spend lots of time with, but I'm sad for Sammy.  He was supposed to have a cousin to grow up with.  Such is life, I guess.

August has been a tough month.  Adam's birthday was on August 12.  Last year on his birthday we had a full term pregnancy.  We were happy and had this whole future ahead of us.  We should have had an 11.5 month old to celebrate with this year.  Our Anniversary is on Monday.  We have been married for 2 years.  I think we have been through more in the 2 years of marriage than most people go through in a lifetime together.  It has made us better for each other.  Last year we decided to take a picture of our family every year on our anniversary.  We have started a "Family Wall" at our house.  The first pictures we added were of us, me very pregnant, on our first anniversary, a picture of Roscoe, and a picture of Ray's ultrasound.  We were supposed to have a little boy to join us in our family picture this year.  Now it will be just the two of us again.  Just not where I thought we would be.  Ray's first birthday is also coming up.  I'm really having a hard time with it.  On Sept. 1st we will be in Marshall having a birthday party for a little boy that should be here.  Instead I'm trying to decide if I want to decorate his grave or not.  Is it silly to decorate a grave for a first birthday?  I never thought I would have to make a decision like that.  I'm not sure how we will get through his birthday.  I know we will.  We have made it through 8 months without Ray and I never thought we could do that.

SBR-your Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.  We are learning to live again.  We are going to be a family again.  We wish you were still here to be a part of this new family.  I love you so much, Sweet Baby Boy.  I'll see you in a few weeks for your birthday!

5 Months...

As of today Ray has been gone for 5 months. Each month that passes I think more and more about how Ray never got to see that day. He never got feel what it was like to be 5 months old. It makes me so sad to think about how short his life was.

On Monday June 13th Adam and I will be on Fox 9 news for a live interview about Ray's Run and SIDS research/information. I am starting to think we were blessed with Ray and live in this heartache for a reason. Adam and I have the opportunity to share our experience and the info we nave learned about SIDS to a large market. We have more resources than most people do. As much asi hate that this is our life, I hope I will be able to help one parent realize that you can't stop SIDS. When Ray died I felt like it was my fault. I felt like I did something wrong. I had so much guilt. I have since learned that there are many misconceptions about SIDS. You can use all the "prevention strategies" that are marketed for SIDS and your child can still die. If I can get through and reach out to one mother and make them realize Thayer can't stop SIDS I will feel like I accomplished something.

The first Annual Ray's Run is scheduled for one week from today. It is turning into something so amazing. We have received over 200 pictures that will be blown up and placed along the race route along with pictures of Ray. We also have over $4000 already donated to the cause. How amazing to see all the support we have and all the people we have that remembering our baby.

Ray, I miss you. Your daddy misses you. Please try to help your Mommy and Daddy this month. Please try to give us some hope and a future again. Baby Ray, I love you so much!

4 Months and 11 Days

Ray has officially been in Heaven longer than he was with me.  That is such a hard realization for me.  I knew this day was coming, but was dreading it.  I think it is completely unfair that my baby died.  I hate that he isn't here.  I hate that I should have an almost 9 month old little boy.  He should be crawling, maybe standing, laughing, clapping, playing "so big", and doing all the other things little boys should do.  We would have been enjoying the weather with him.  He would have been at his Daddy's first baseball game in 6 years this month.  I shouldn't be heartbroken.

It's been a hard month.  I've been exhausted and busy so haven't had time to write. Let's start from the beginning:
Mother's Day:  We spent the weekend with my family in the Cities.  We went to the Sugarland Concert.  It was fun and heartbreaking at the same time.  I used to sing Sugarland songs to Ray every morning.  I think maybe he made Sugarland be in the Cities for Mother's Day.  We walked the Ray's Run Route, as a family, as well.  It was nice to be outside.  It was supposed to rain on Saturday (secretly I was hoping it would.  I didn't want to walk the route because I don't like exercise) but ended up being beautiful out.  After the walk Adam and I went to Babies R Us to buy a few things for Stacy's Daycare.  We picked out a SIDS monitor for her and bought one for us too.  I had a panic attack in the store.  I seem to be having more of these lately.  My therapist says it is ok and part of grief though.  She says they will start to go away eventually.  On Mother's Day Adam and I got up early.  My mom had bought us a plant (which has already died.  I suck at plants) which is what we get her every year.  We did not make a big deal out of the day.  Then Adam had his first baseball game in 6 years.  It was so fun to watch him play again.  I couldn't help but think that Ray should have been there too, though.

May 10: Ray's headstone was put in.  Almost 4 months to the date that he died.  It is beautiful and very simple.  I thought it turned out really well.  My baby shouldn't have a headstone though.  It shouldn't be there.  My friend, Dessie, has gone to see him/it.  She said it looks very nice.  I am anxious to get back to see Ray, but at the same time it hurts so much to be at the cemetary and to leave him again.

May 14:  We had our first big family event since Ray's funeral.  My cousin, Sarah, got married.  My whole Peterson side was in the Cities for the weekend.  At the wedding Sarah had added Baby Ray to the memorial prayer.  How incredibly thoughtful and beautiful of her to add him.  Adam and I weren't prepared and both had to leave the Sanctuaray during the prayer.  We both sobbed in the coat closet for a while, collected ourselves, and went back in.  Adam had to leave after dinner to get back to work.  We had our first "family" photo without Ray.  I panicked again.  My mom, dad, and I went outside after the picture and cried together.  I'm thankful for how the extended Peterson Family tolerated me/us.  They let us fall apart.  Hugged us when we came in, and then moved on to dancing.  I feel like I live by "Fake it til you Make it" right now.  I haven't seemed to make it yet.  But I'm trying.

This past week:  Tough.  I have a 10 year old patient that passed away.  I loved when he would come to see us.  I also have a classmate from college that lost her 1 month old son.  My heart breaks for their mothers.  I know what they are going to go through.  I wish I could take their pain away.  Austin's (1 month old) funeral was on Thursday.  I told his mom, Jackie, that it would be the hardest day of her life, but that she would make it through it.  I remember that day so well.  I remember how empty/heartbroken I was.  It is better.  But it isn't gone.  On Friday was my patient's visitation.  I went to the visitation with my friend, Tessa.  Tessa's Great.  She followed my lead.  I walked in right away.  Went to his mom and started crying.  I told her I know how she feels.  I told her I am here if she needs someone who understands.  We didn't stay long.  I just couldn't do it. I felt like people were looking at me like, "Why are you so upset?  You weren't his family".  If only they knew where I was in my life.  I got back into Tessa's car and panicked again.  I cried with Tessa for a while.  We drove back to the clinic and I went in to talk to Terri, my lead nurse, who is as close to a mom that I can get here.  I cried with her, collected myself, and was glad I went. 

May 21:  Tracy came for the weekend.  I'm so glad she was here.  We didn't do much all weekend.  As I was in the shower at around 3pm I panicked again.  I realized that Ray died at 8:15ish in the morning when he was 4 months and 10 days old.  I had officially had more time without him than I got to have with him.  That realization broke my heart all over again.  It isn't fair.  Tracy was great.  She sat with me while I cried and talked to my mom.  I knew this would come, but it hit me hard.  We went to dinner around 7pm.  We ate sushi and had a toast to Ray.  I miss him.

Today:  So....Tracy just left.  Adam is coming home soon.  I don't want to be alone for very long today.  I'm sad.  I miss my baby.  I miss my old life.  I'm tired of this "new normal".  I just wish I could hold my baby again.  The emptiness is back today.  Adam and I are going to go to a movie tonight instead of staying home.  Adam is wonderful.  He's so good at helping me through these hard days.  He feels them with me and helps to have a plan in place to move through it.  I'm not sure I will be better tomorrow, but I will get better as the week goes on.  We are flying to Colorado on Friday for a wedding on my Young side of the family.  I'm not sure how it will go.  Will there be less anxiety or tears?  Probably not, but I will have my family and my husband to help me through.

Ray-I hope you are having fun in Heaven.  Mommy and Daddy miss you so much.  We love you more than you will ever know.  Have a good day, sweet boy. 

Internation Babys lost Mothers Day

Bogus title?  Supposedly that is what today is.  Comforting?  A little, but at the same time that is what I am.  I have a baby that died.  This is not the way I pictured my life going.  Today is Ray's 8 month birthday too.  Crazy to think that I should have an 8 month old.  I shouldn't have slept until 9:30 this morning.  I should have been up at 6 like we normally were.  We should be playing right now.  I'm sure Ray would have been crawling.  We should be getting ready to celebrate our first Mother's Day together.  Now I get to celebrate a Mother's day that revolves around having a baby that died.

I should update about Easter too.  My family came and stayed at the Chase with me. Adam had to work.  I talked to Adam about getting Ray an Easter Basket.  We decided not to as we weren't going to be in Marshall with him for the day.  I did get a basket for Sammy though.  We call Sam, Mr. Monk because he sorta looks like a Monkey, but in a totally cute way.  I found a basket that had a monkey on it for him.  I went to the baby aisle at Target to pick out some things.  I don't go in that aisle very often, but in some ways it is nice to remember what we lost.  Anyway-Sam is learning so many new things.  As his Aunt, I do what I can to give him things he should have (like diet coke and chocolate).  Abbie just shakes her head at me.  Secretly, I totally enjoy it!  On Sunday morning we met in Mom and Dad's condo to "find our Easter Baskets".  Yes...at 27 I still hunt for an Easter basket.  I then went back to our room to get ready for Brunch.  Usually when I am sad I will turn on the radio and there will be a bunch of songs that remind me of Ray.  I like to think that this is his way of saying Hi and telling me he is ok.  There were no songs Easter Morning.  He wasn't there.  It was the most lonely I had felt since he died.  I called my parents who came and sat with me until I was ready to go eat.  After I got off the phone on of "our songs" came on.  I guess Ray didn't want to leave the big celebration Heaven has on Easter, but he still checked in with me.  We went to brunch and had Sam sit on the Easter Bunny's Lap.  I didn't realize how hard that would be for Abbie and the rest of the family.  The last time Sammy sat with a character was when we took both boys to see Santa.  Justin and Adam thought we were crazy, but I'm so glad we did it now. 

It was a tough week for me.  It seems like I have one good week out of the month and the rest are tough.  This is better than one good hour a day or one good day a month, but it is still hard.  I know I will never be "me" again, but I'm ready to not be sad anymore.  I know that takes time.  I know we will get to a point where we can laugh when Sam sits with the Easter Bunny instead of cry.  Just not this year.

Stacy, our daycare mom, got her licence back...FINALLY!!  We are so excited for her to open.  She starts up with daycare again tomorrow.  I had taken her an orchid last week.  My grandma Nancy loved orchids.  Now when I see them I think of her.  She gets to cuddle Ray now, so it seemed fitting.  Stacy took pictures of her daycare and put them up on facebook.  She has Ray's Orchid sitting on top of a shelf in the daycare.  It makes me smile to know that he will always be there with her.  Stacy is amazing.  Ray was so loved and so well taken care of at her Daycare.  Every time I picked him up he would cry when I held him.  If Stacy started talk to Ray he would burry his face in my coat and then look at her out of the corner of his eye and smile so big.  He loved Mama Stacy.  We do too.

I went to Glazed and Amused with my new friend, Heather (thanks Ray) yesterday.  Heather also did CPR on Ray the day he died.  I would never have spent any time with her if it wasn't for Ray.  We took in his hand and foot molds to be painted and glazed.  They are beautiful.  She painted them in a Pearl White so they look almost Angelic, which is perfect for Ray.  Heather and I had so much fun painting our pieces that we plan to go back soon.

Adam and I had our second of many monthly date nights last night.  We have decided to go on a date the last night of every month (Ray was born on the 1st) and the 10th of every month (Ray died on the 11th).  These nights are usually hard for me, but date night gives me something to look forward too.  We had a nice dinner and then came home.  We had a nice talk about Ray, our future children, families, and so much more over a bottle of wine.  It is awesome to have these nights.  It means Adam is home at a decent time and we get to spend some time together.  I think we will continue these nights for a long time but hopefully they will become Family Date Nights instead of Adam and Erin Date Nights.

Back to the reason for this post.  Internation Babys lost Mother's Day.  Ray-your Mommy and Daddy love you so much.  We miss you every day.  You were a blessing in our lives for 4 months and 10 days.  Happy 8 month birthday, SBR.  All our love.

Ray's Story

Ray’s Story written for Raysrun.org:

                On December 22, 2009 Adam and I found out we were going to be starting a family but our story starts long before that day.  Adam and I got married on August 22, 2009.  About a month prior to the wedding Adam started talking about having a family.  As weird as it is, I wasn’t sure I was ready.  He told me, “Erin, you aren’t getting any younger.”.  How could I argue with that?  We made the decision to “pull the goalie” as we put it, after Thanksgiving.  It took one month to become pregnant!  I immediately called my brother, Adam, and told him that he was going to have to “mix” me some drinks at Christmas because we weren’t going to tell anyone yet.  He said I had to tell my sister.  I then called Abbie to tell her the news.  She was so excited to know she was going to be an Aunt.  After a discussion with Adam we decided we would tell the rest of my family on Christmas Eve and Adam’s family in January when we saw them for Christmas.

                My family has a tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve (ALWAYS pajamas).  I had purchased a bib that said, “My First Christmas” on it.  I wrapped the bib for my parents to open on Christmas Eve.  Imagine their surprise when they realized they were going to be having their first grandchild.  By the end of the 2 day stay with my parents my whole extended family knew that we had a baby on the way.  My parents have a hard time containing their excitement.  My father had emailed some friends of theirs in Marshall, our home town and the town Adam’s parents still live in.  We hadn’t told his family yet.  We had the fear that someone would run into his mom and dad and “spill the beans”.  We made the decision to call them together from Bemidji.  His parents were also very excited to learn that their first grandchild was on the way as well!

                In February 2010 my sister announced that she was also expecting!  We spent the next 7-8 months comparing our pregnancies and talking about the future our children would have growing up so close in age.  Abbie was 5 weeks behind me in our pregnancies.  In March 2010 we had our “big ultrasound” and found out we were expecting a boy!  Adam was elated!  We also found out that our boy had bilateral cysts in his brain.  This is becoming more and more common as ultrasound machines become more advanced, but is also a soft marker for down’s syndrome.  In a repeat ultrasound the cysts were smaller, but there was also an echogenic foci in his heart (a bright spot that shows up on a valve).  This is also becoming more common and has no long term effects, but is also another soft marker for down’s syndrome.  We made the decision to see a doctor that specializes in babies that haven’t been born yet and have a level 2 ultrasound.  As this appointment approached I became increasingly nervous.  At the appointment we found out that our baby looked fine.  We had a slightly greater chance of down’s syndrome, but didn’t feel any additional testing was necessary.  We were relieved with the results and starting planning for the birth of our son.

                I like to shop.  I might go a little over board at times, so it is a good thing I have an understanding husband.   I came home regularly with new toys, bedding, clothes, and baby necessities.  Adam would calmly remind me that I should lay off the shopping.  There would be plenty of gifts coming our way (and he was right).  We had a few baby showers during our pregnancy.  The first was with my cousin, Angie, who was due 3 weeks before us, my sister, and myself.  It was with all my aunts and cousins on my Peterson side.  It was amazing.  How often does it happen that your family gets to throw a TRIPLE shower for all the new babies?!  My co-workers also threw a shower for us.  It was so much fun.  We ate dinner and opened presents.  They shared stories about what it was like to have babies and watch their children grow.  As a new mom to be I was so excited.

                On August 30, 2010 I was induced due to a large hernia that I developed during my pregnancy.  We went in at 7 pm to start the induction process.  It is a long process!  My water was broken on August 31^st at 9 pm.  My epidural was also started at this time.  Ray Gregory Labat was born on September 1, 2010 and 3:09 in the afternoon.  It was amazing.  That night, while we were watching the Twins play, Adam looked over at me.  I was holding our new son.  He said, “Can you believe that 4 hours ago he wasn’t even here yet?  Our lives are changed forever now.”.  I had no idea how right he was at that time.  We left the hospital on September 3, 2010 and started our lives as a family of three (plus a dog).

                Ray was not an easy baby.  He had some issues with reflux and colic starting at the age of 3 weeks old.  He was the biggest challenge of my life, but I loved every minute of it.  I knew what cry meant he needed to be changed and what meant he wanted to eat.  Our first road trip was to Maple Grove when Ray was two weeks old.  Abbie was having a baby shower for her new baby to be.  Ray attended her shower for a little while.  Then Adam picked him up and made their first trip across town to meet some of Adam’s family.  It was the first time I had been away from Ray since he was born.  Our next trip down on was on October 2, 2010.  Abbie was in labor!  They had chosen to not find out what they were having, so we were all very anxious.  Samuel Bradley DeYonge joined our family on October 3, 2010.  We were so excited.  Sam and Ray were going to be the best of friends.  They were going to grow up together, graduate high school the same year, and be in each others weddings.  We had so many plans for our boys.

                The first holidays for both boys were amazing.  It was fun to dress the boys up for Halloween.  They had matching pajamas for Christmas.  We talked about how next year Ray would be running through the doors of my parent’s house yelling for Sammy.  We talked about how the next Christmas we would have to find a way to gate both boys in to open presents.  We talked about the future so often because we always thought it would be there.  New Years Eve our friend, Tamar, came to visit.  She cuddled with Ray and took some amazing pictures of him.  Ray was just starting to get over his colic.  He was starting to develop a personality.  He was babbling and giggling more often.  He would respond to us when we talked to him.  He would study and follow Roscoe, our dog, as Roscoe walked around the house.  I loved being a mom.

                On January 11, 2011 I had woken up Ray and taken him to the living room to get dressed for the day.  He had some time in just his diaper.  We called it “naked time” and he loved it.  He was trying to roll over to get at Roscoe.  Adam walked by him and he stopped everything he was doing and started at his Daddy.  He studied him for quite a while and then gave him the biggest smile either one of us had ever seen.  I got him dressed and started to feed him his bottle before taking him to daycare.  Adam came to say good bye to us.  Ray took his bottle out of his mouth and talked to his dad, one last time.  I packed Ray up for daycare and drove to Stacy’s.  I remember taking him in and telling Stacy that I’m sorry he was having a bad hair day.  Adam had given him a bath the night before and didn’t brush his hair after.  It was sticking straight up.  I gave Ray a kiss and told them both I would see them that night.  I drove to work after that.  At 9:30 or 9:45 a sheriff and pastor came in and asked for me.  They took me to a conference room.  They told me that Ray was found at daycare and he wasn’t breathing.  I said, “But he’s ok now right?”.  They told me it didn’t look good.  I ran out of the clinic with them.  I called Adam and my dad on the way to the hospital.  I told them Ray wasn’t breathing and they needed to come now.  Adam works 45 minutes from Bemidji.  He had to make that drive knowing that his son was dead.  Our families live 4 and 5 hours away.  They also had to make the drive knowing they were coming to see their dead grandson and nephew.  When we got the ER Ray was laying on a cot, wrapped in a blanket in his diaper (his favorite way to be dressed).  He was gone.  I picked him up and starting crying.  I asked my pediatrician what had happened.  He said he suspected SIDS but would not know until Ray had an autopsy.  We kept Ray all day.  The hospital had a photographer come in and take beautiful pictures of him.  We have 3D molds of his hands and feet.  They cut off a piece of his hair for us.  We had a prayer service with our families and then we let Ray go.  It was the first night I had spent away from him ever.  It was the hardest thing we have ever had to do.  Ray is buried in Marshall, MN.  He is buried at the head of my mother and father-in-laws graves.  Adam and I now have funeral plots on either side of him. 

                So here we are.  Three months after the death of our son.  A horrible disease called Sudden Infant Death Syndrome took our baby from us too soon.  We don’t get to watch him grow up.  We don’t get to see him and Sammy graduate from high school at the same time or be in each others weddings.  We don’t get to watch Ray go on his first date, or get his drivers license, or go to prom.  We don’t get to see him have a family of his own.  All the hopes and dreams we had when we found out we were pregnant are gone.  What has come of this?  Adam and I have the opportunity to increase awareness of SIDS.  To talk about a topic that no one does.  To help other families that lose their children to this awful disease.  There are no signs of SIDS.  We have no idea what babies will die and what will live.  As angry as I am that SIDS has affected us, I am lucky to have the people in our lives to make it worth something.  My goal is to help other parents realize that you can do everything right and your baby may still die.  It is not your fault.  SIDS happens.  It is unstoppable.  Ray’s Run is an outlet for us to remember our son.  It is also a way to remember all the other babies that have been lost to SIDS.  Thank you for taking the time to read our story and thank you for helping us reach our goals.

3 Months Limbo

3 months today. That is how long Ray has been gone. It seems so crazy that he has been gone for a quarter of a year. As I'm thinking about what to write today I can't think of anything. It's like I am in limbo. Not overly happy, not overly sad. What does that mean? Does that mean I'm getting better? Does getting better mean I'm moving away from Ray? I'm scared to get better and move forward. I'm afraid I will forget Ray. I know that isn't possible, yet I feel like it is. It's like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. At the same time I know moving forward is a good thing. It's some what of a relief to not be as sad. It feels like some of the weight has lifted.
At times I feel like I will never be me again. I feel like I will never be complete or whole again. I know some of this void will be filled over time and the hurt will be less. I hate the hurt, but at the same time it reminds me of what I had. I had a beautiful little boy who was starting to be so much fun. Ray, Mommy misses you so much. Your Daddy and I look forward to the day we get to see you again. I love you, Sweet Boy.

7 Months

I said to Adam this morning that Ray must be having a big party because he hadn't sent any reminders that he was here. I had a really tough morning. Mentally I am shot. I was helping one of the other nurses by bring her new patient back for her. The patient had a family member that looked familiar. We got to talking and I asked the family member where she worked. She said she was an OB nurse at the hospital. I started to tell her how I was there 7 months ago and had a little boy named Ray. She said, "You're Erin.". I said yup. She said her name was Kristen. She was the nurse that was with us the day Ray died. She was the nurse who cut his hair, made the 3d molds of his hand and foot, helped position him for his pictures, and held us while we cried. What a big gift Ray gave me today. Even as I write this I am crying. I gave her such a big hug. I told her that there are no words for how much she means to us. She gave us all she had on the worst day of our lives. She is an Angel in my book. What an amazing way to remember my Ray on his 7 month birthday.

We also received Ray's life insurance today. Ironic how 7 months from the day he was born we got the last piece we were waiting on for his death.

Ray, we miss you so much. Happy 7 Month Birthday. Mommy and Daddy love you!