Ray’s Story written for Raysrun.org:
On December 22, 2009 Adam and I found out we were going to be starting a family but our story starts long before that day. Adam and I got married on August 22, 2009. About a month prior to the wedding Adam started talking about having a family. As weird as it is, I wasn’t sure I was ready. He told me, “Erin, you aren’t getting any younger.”. How could I argue with that? We made the decision to “pull the goalie” as we put it, after Thanksgiving. It took one month to become pregnant! I immediately called my brother, Adam, and told him that he was going to have to “mix” me some drinks at Christmas because we weren’t going to tell anyone yet. He said I had to tell my sister. I then called Abbie to tell her the news. She was so excited to know she was going to be an Aunt. After a discussion with Adam we decided we would tell the rest of my family on Christmas Eve and Adam’s family in January when we saw them for Christmas.
My family has a tradition of opening one present on Christmas Eve (ALWAYS pajamas). I had purchased a bib that said, “My First Christmas” on it. I wrapped the bib for my parents to open on Christmas Eve. Imagine their surprise when they realized they were going to be having their first grandchild. By the end of the 2 day stay with my parents my whole extended family knew that we had a baby on the way. My parents have a hard time containing their excitement. My father had emailed some friends of theirs in Marshall, our home town and the town Adam’s parents still live in. We hadn’t told his family yet. We had the fear that someone would run into his mom and dad and “spill the beans”. We made the decision to call them together from Bemidji. His parents were also very excited to learn that their first grandchild was on the way as well!
In February 2010 my sister announced that she was also expecting! We spent the next 7-8 months comparing our pregnancies and talking about the future our children would have growing up so close in age. Abbie was 5 weeks behind me in our pregnancies. In March 2010 we had our “big ultrasound” and found out we were expecting a boy! Adam was elated! We also found out that our boy had bilateral cysts in his brain. This is becoming more and more common as ultrasound machines become more advanced, but is also a soft marker for down’s syndrome. In a repeat ultrasound the cysts were smaller, but there was also an echogenic foci in his heart (a bright spot that shows up on a valve). This is also becoming more common and has no long term effects, but is also another soft marker for down’s syndrome. We made the decision to see a doctor that specializes in babies that haven’t been born yet and have a level 2 ultrasound. As this appointment approached I became increasingly nervous. At the appointment we found out that our baby looked fine. We had a slightly greater chance of down’s syndrome, but didn’t feel any additional testing was necessary. We were relieved with the results and starting planning for the birth of our son.
I like to shop. I might go a little over board at times, so it is a good thing I have an understanding husband. I came home regularly with new toys, bedding, clothes, and baby necessities. Adam would calmly remind me that I should lay off the shopping. There would be plenty of gifts coming our way (and he was right). We had a few baby showers during our pregnancy. The first was with my cousin, Angie, who was due 3 weeks before us, my sister, and myself. It was with all my aunts and cousins on my Peterson side. It was amazing. How often does it happen that your family gets to throw a TRIPLE shower for all the new babies?! My co-workers also threw a shower for us. It was so much fun. We ate dinner and opened presents. They shared stories about what it was like to have babies and watch their children grow. As a new mom to be I was so excited.
On August 30, 2010 I was induced due to a large hernia that I developed during my pregnancy. We went in at 7 pm to start the induction process. It is a long process! My water was broken on August 31st at 9 pm. My epidural was also started at this time. Ray Gregory Labat was born on September 1, 2010 and 3:09 in the afternoon. It was amazing. That night, while we were watching the Twins play, Adam looked over at me. I was holding our new son. He said, “Can you believe that 4 hours ago he wasn’t even here yet? Our lives are changed forever now.”. I had no idea how right he was at that time. We left the hospital on September 3, 2010 and started our lives as a family of three (plus a dog).
Ray was not an easy baby. He had some issues with reflux and colic starting at the age of 3 weeks old. He was the biggest challenge of my life, but I loved every minute of it. I knew what cry meant he needed to be changed and what meant he wanted to eat. Our first road trip was to Maple Grove when Ray was two weeks old. Abbie was having a baby shower for her new baby to be. Ray attended her shower for a little while. Then Adam picked him up and made their first trip across town to meet some of Adam’s family. It was the first time I had been away from Ray since he was born. Our next trip down on was on October 2, 2010. Abbie was in labor! They had chosen to not find out what they were having, so we were all very anxious. Samuel Bradley DeYonge joined our family on October 3, 2010. We were so excited. Sam and Ray were going to be the best of friends. They were going to grow up together, graduate high school the same year, and be in each others weddings. We had so many plans for our boys.
The first holidays for both boys were amazing. It was fun to dress the boys up for Halloween. They had matching pajamas for Christmas. We talked about how next year Ray would be running through the doors of my parent’s house yelling for Sammy. We talked about how the next Christmas we would have to find a way to gate both boys in to open presents. We talked about the future so often because we always thought it would be there. New Years Eve our friend, Tamar, came to visit. She cuddled with Ray and took some amazing pictures of him. Ray was just starting to get over his colic. He was starting to develop a personality. He was babbling and giggling more often. He would respond to us when we talked to him. He would study and follow Roscoe, our dog, as Roscoe walked around the house. I loved being a mom.
On January 11, 2011 I had woken up Ray and taken him to the living room to get dressed for the day. He had some time in just his diaper. We called it “naked time” and he loved it. He was trying to roll over to get at Roscoe. Adam walked by him and he stopped everything he was doing and started at his Daddy. He studied him for quite a while and then gave him the biggest smile either one of us had ever seen. I got him dressed and started to feed him his bottle before taking him to daycare. Adam came to say good bye to us. Ray took his bottle out of his mouth and talked to his dad, one last time. I packed Ray up for daycare and drove to Stacy’s. I remember taking him in and telling Stacy that I’m sorry he was having a bad hair day. Adam had given him a bath the night before and didn’t brush his hair after. It was sticking straight up. I gave Ray a kiss and told them both I would see them that night. I drove to work after that. At 9:30 or 9:45 a sheriff and pastor came in and asked for me. They took me to a conference room. They told me that Ray was found at daycare and he wasn’t breathing. I said, “But he’s ok now right?”. They told me it didn’t look good. I ran out of the clinic with them. I called Adam and my dad on the way to the hospital. I told them Ray wasn’t breathing and they needed to come now. Adam works 45 minutes from Bemidji. He had to make that drive knowing that his son was dead. Our families live 4 and 5 hours away. They also had to make the drive knowing they were coming to see their dead grandson and nephew. When we got the ER Ray was laying on a cot, wrapped in a blanket in his diaper (his favorite way to be dressed). He was gone. I picked him up and starting crying. I asked my pediatrician what had happened. He said he suspected SIDS but would not know until Ray had an autopsy. We kept Ray all day. The hospital had a photographer come in and take beautiful pictures of him. We have 3D molds of his hands and feet. They cut off a piece of his hair for us. We had a prayer service with our families and then we let Ray go. It was the first night I had spent away from him ever. It was the hardest thing we have ever had to do. Ray is buried in Marshall, MN. He is buried at the head of my mother and father-in-laws graves. Adam and I now have funeral plots on either side of him.
So here we are. Three months after the death of our son. A horrible disease called Sudden Infant Death Syndrome took our baby from us too soon. We don’t get to watch him grow up. We don’t get to see him and Sammy graduate from high school at the same time or be in each others weddings. We don’t get to watch Ray go on his first date, or get his drivers license, or go to prom. We don’t get to see him have a family of his own. All the hopes and dreams we had when we found out we were pregnant are gone. What has come of this? Adam and I have the opportunity to increase awareness of SIDS. To talk about a topic that no one does. To help other families that lose their children to this awful disease. There are no signs of SIDS. We have no idea what babies will die and what will live. As angry as I am that SIDS has affected us, I am lucky to have the people in our lives to make it worth something. My goal is to help other parents realize that you can do everything right and your baby may still die. It is not your fault. SIDS happens. It is unstoppable. Ray’s Run is an outlet for us to remember our son. It is also a way to remember all the other babies that have been lost to SIDS. Thank you for taking the time to read our story and thank you for helping us reach our goals.
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