How SIDS affects me...

Written for the SIDS walk in Bemidji, MN and for Ray's Run in Maple Grove, MN:

SIDS.  Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.  Those were words I was concerned about all through my pregnancy and after the birth of my son, Ray.  Two to Four Months.  That is the highest age group that succumbs to SIDS.  Ray was 4 months and 10 days old.  The week before he died I commented to my husband, Adam, that Ray had passed the four month mark.  We could breathe easy again.  Ray died the next week.  SIDS took away the future I was promised with the birth of my son.  What SIDS gave me is an entirely different story.  SIDS gave me 4 amazing months and 10 awesome days with a little boy that was and still is the light of my life.  SIDS gave me a relationship with my sister, Abbie, that is stronger than ever, and that I really needed.  SIDS gave me the ability to cherish everyone in my life so much more, because I know they could be gone in an instant.  SIDS gave me a closer and unbreakable bond with my husband and I love him more for who he is and how he is dealing with the loss of Ray.  SIDS gave me the most beautiful Angel, and not many get to say that.  SIDS gave me an understanding of how precious life is, of how much I want and need to be a mother, and of how complete a family makes me feel.  These are all things SIDS can never take away from me.  SIDS can also never take away the love and memories I have of Ray.  I hold them close.  I think of him every day. 

At Ray’s funeral there was a poem read.  It is the epitome of SIDS.  It is the story of our life.  It is the story of our faith.

 A Child Loaned
"I'll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine." He said.
"For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay
Since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want the child to learn.
I've looked this wide world over
In my search for teacher's true,
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you;
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate Me when I come to call
And take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, They will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
For the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand."
Anonymous

Miss you baby.  Love you every day!!